the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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