I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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