don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
