I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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