Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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