my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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