happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
