Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
