no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
