i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
