ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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