ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
