hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
