Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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