there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
