i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
