The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh†while his GF was with him. FML
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