Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
