Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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