is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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