Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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