I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
4 words: hood of his car
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
