smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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