Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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