You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize