He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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