Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My ATM looks so different sober.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
