Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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