It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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