My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dick very happy bro
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
