So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
