see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
