I'm going to rape someone's good day.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
