so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
