Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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