sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
