as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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