just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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