i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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