Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
