if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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