New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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