Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to sanitize my soul.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
