I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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