im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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