Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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