The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
