I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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