ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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