Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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