oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
