I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
