Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
