id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
