Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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