i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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