Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
