just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
