Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
