I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
