dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
