Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
