This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
